Genres: Nonfiction
I am a strong believer in effective communication skills which are vital for success. One thing I can assure you from my experience is that loud, bitter and violent communication never leads to fulfilment. Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication is a book about avoiding just that. He takes the reader through all the intricacies of working on what to say and how to say it so that one’s words lead to peace, not bitterness or violence. Another aspect of the book is that it also speaks to the essential need for developing compassionate communication with one self.
One of the important ideas Rosenberg includes in the book revolves around the learning on how to separate the observation of facts from depicting moral conclusions. Vast amount of complexity results due to our ability to judge or jump to conclusions on what we observe. Rosenberg suggests that the main goal when we observe is to “not judge”. The root of violent communication is the classification and judgement that comes from observation.
The second step in the process of nonviolent communication is to identify what are the feelings that occur when we observe. This step can lead to some amount of vulnerability and can make you nervous or uncomfortable but working this step will bring courage to your daily life.
Thirdly, when you feel an emotional response to a situation, identify it. The main cause of this can generally our unfulfilled needs. In this area, Rosenberg dives deeper with as he promotes three stages of “emotional liberation” which includes emotional slavery(you are responsible for other people’s feelings), obnoxiousness (realize you are free from the responsibility for other’s feelings, but go so far as to be uninterested in them altogether), and liberation(take responsibility for your intentions and actions, but not for the feelings of others). I am not going to discuss them in detail but I do hope you do get a general idea from the keywords of what Rosenberg is talking about.
Rosenberg has given enough examples to satisfy his statements of above three steps along with the tips on how to develop you consciousness around the above process. He explains how to receive communication in an empathic way, which is based on those same principles, and you are honestly trying to get to the bottom of the other person’s needs or yours to find out how you might be able to help to fulfil them.
Remember: ‘Observe without evaluating’.
Overall, the book discusses some important ideas about communication and understanding the process. Anyone reading this book can benefit exponentially by applying the process of nonviolent communication that Rosenberg elaborates in this book with techniques and examples.
Rosenberg has done a good job at giving readers the necessary tools. The book is well written and easy to understand. It’s formatted beautifully for referring back to it later without needed to highlight and mark it up.
4 out of 5!
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Looks like a good read for practical learning.
It is 😀
The part about not being responsible for another’s actions which equals guilt – so appropriate! Waiting for decision in ICU about a family member – every grieving soul goes through the sorrow, but also experiences guilt related to the patient. Often the guilt is not earned, the fault was with the patient. But in emotional times, we humans get mixed up. Take the time to evaluate – is the problem yours? Then own it. If not, let it go. Thanks for your post. 🙂
Thank you for the thoughtful insight! “Let it go” are three big words that we as a civilisation must learn to use appropriately.